Message
Marriage is a school where you study a subject called ‘the spouse’. People need to study their spouses in order to discover what makes them happy and what offends them. Spouses also need to learn how to support each other to achieve their goals and succeed in all aspects of life.
If you are married, understanding your spouse will help you avoid offence, especially when you know his or her weaknesses. For example, a man who knows that his wife struggles with managing time should not be offended whenever she takes her time to get ready for outings. Instead, he should help her to manage her time however he can. Likewise, a woman who knows that her husband struggles to express his feelings should be more patient with him and encourage him to be more open with her. In marriage, you must seek to understand your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses so you can work together to make the best of your union.
When I got married to my wife, we made a vow never to be angry at the same time. We agreed that whenever one of us gets angry, the other partner should keep quiet. One day, we were travelling to Lagos from Ilesha, another town in Western Nigeria, when my wife got angry about something and expressed her feelings to me. I knew she was right, but I was also angry. As I was driving, she continued to express her anger, but I could not say anything to her because of our vow. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I parked the car and walked away, leaving her inside. After walking for a while, I stopped at a village and bought some fruits. I returned to the car and gave them to her. My wife was already worried because I had been gone for a while. She accepted my peace offering, and that was the end of the issue. I was able to appease her in this manner because we had taken some time to study each other, and we know what works for us.
Once some people go through courtship and then get married, they wrongly think they have learnt all they need to know about their partner. They do not realise that they have only just begun. If you are married, you will avoid many misunderstandings if you humble yourself to study your spouse with the help of the Holy Spirit.